I talked about getting married once.
It seems like a big deal to say that – and marriage certainly is a big deal – but at the time it just felt normal.
You see, I don’t get into things lightly. I value family and being committed, so talking about marriage isn’t daunting. It wasn’t for him, either, which made me respect him more.
It was a new romance, the lines of serious conversation and uncontrollable giggling about the idea still a bit blurry. The jokes about it had already begun; one day it was mentioned off-hand and the idea stuck like glitter after one of my crafting sessions.
(Just FYI, a “crafting session” is basically me dipping my fingers in glitter. Repeatedly.)
I’ve never been married, but I know it’s an all in thing. An every day commitment to show up and let yourself be seen. In the moments when you are radiating light so brightly it’s hard not to take notice, and in the moments when you need help just to find a match, let alone set it ablaze.
With the line of work I’ve been called to do, I get to see what all in looks like for a lot of people.
It’s moving across the world to serve the kingdom together.
It’s making time for more than one family at Christmas.
It’s getting on a plane to say, “I love you and I want you back.”
It’s leaving a note on their car just because you thought of them.
It’s doing the long-distance thing because of med school.
It’s replacing the toilet paper when it’s finished.
It’s choosing love over and over and over, with big life changes and little everyday experiences. Being all in when it’s easy and when it’s hard. Not loving in spite of the sacrifice, but because the sacrifice is worth it.
The other person is worth it.
My experience with love is not limited. Romantically, perhaps, but there’s more love than that out there. I’m surrounded by people that would wait with me for 5 hours in the hospital without ever thinking of leaving me alone, listen to me vent over the phone while they’re in the middle of writing papers, caffeinate me without prompting on a morning when I haven’t had much sleep, and hug me when they know I’m just too overwhelmed to speak – even if I’m covered in glitter.
You don’t have to be in love to be all in with love.
I want my heart to break when I don’t show love, to physically ache and make its despair known when I miss an opportunity to be love to someone.
I want to see people differently, to get past my misconceptions and see their hearts in the way that God knows them.
I want to follow through with my words, to be a woman of action when I make a commitment to do something.
I want to be all in with love.